He's Home...so it's ok.

My heart... what a wild place.
Just sitting here thinking how cool it is to know that Jesus chose it for His place to dwell within me.
He's so amazing... to pick the most chaotic residence possible.
The very thought, makes me a little more quiet, peaceful, and well... still.

I've been fidgety today. Not so much outwardly, but on the inside.
Yes, from Glory to Glory I go... one moment in the heights... and at another looking up from the valley. I'm not in either of those places today... and I feel something coming. Something I dare to call wonderful... yet the unknown of it is a bit unsettling.

Am I ready for another major change?
I don't know.
Can I even worry with the wonder? Well, yes... but the better question is... will it really do me any good.

So I sit with my questioning heart tonight... and remind myself that He has made His home in me...

Maybe your a little fidgety tonight too?
If so... then I hope you might settle into that thought for a little while...
He's Home... so it's ok.

Peace to you, my friend.
Tracye

P.S. Jesus, I tried to just end this without speaking to you publicly... but somehow it all seemed too unfinished. You see, more than just talking about You... I just love to talk TO You... so much! And I wanted to say something to You for everyone to hear. I really love you... I mean... REALLY REALLY love You!
Just the mention of your name and I am blown away.
At the thought of Your presence being so near, I am moved to tears.
You overwhelm me... in the most indescribable ways.
I never want another to take Your place in my heart... so I don't know what that fully means to You and the plan You have for my life... but I know it means to me... that I'm very happy with our home... just the way it is. Nevertheless, You know best and I completely trust You to make the best decision. Thank You... for just letting me lay my head on Your heart... and be soothed while I wait. Maybe You'll speak... or maybe we'll just remain in quietness together.
That's ok.
I'm ok... cause You... are...home.

Falling!

What a fun weekend...
Did something I haven't done in maaany years.




Oh my gosh, I went roller skating for the first time in probably like 15 years!
I wish I could say that it was like riding a bike... but um... nope, is was NOT :0)

Everyone that I was with... was like a pro... so I felt horrible when I found myself flying through the air and landing on my behind.


It was pretty hysterical... and yes, I had fun :0)

From there... it was off to Karaoke... where we danced the night away.... OMG!
Though I didn't get the nerve up to sing... our crazy group hardly ever left the dance floor for about 2 1/2 hours!!!

Soooo.... all that to say that I'm doing really good right now. Having alot of fun and enjoying life in so many ways. I am falling.... literally and yes... in "that" way too. It's good... really good.
It's nice to feel alive again.

More later... i promise :0)

Hey Love,

What a great night the other night!
It's so great to grow smaller with You.
It's amazing how after the most painful seasons of my life... I can find myself experiencing more bliss and enjoyment then I have in years.
YOU are my reason why.
In a room full of the most incredible people... You still hold my heart!
Thank you for leading me to a wonderful group of crazy friends... and allowing me to be young and a little bit crazy.
I'm loving exploring all of the parts of who you created me to be.... especially the ones that have been stifled for awhile.
It feels so good to fall in love again.

I love you, amen.
Tray

Stormy Weather...

It's been pretty crazy here in Nashville.
Temperatures have been mixed up and the atmosphere is just mad about it!

Turbulence. Unrest. Disquiet.
All of the things that are happening in nature... and I see it in my heart as well.

God is shaking us.
He is stirring us from our slumberous lives... walking around not fully awake... not hearing His sound or seeing the signs.

Solomon already told us that our quests here are all in vain, yet we continue to gorge ourselves on what is void and empty... and we still want more.

Last night, I was a bit annoyed that my Tuesday night plans were interrupted. Living on my own personal island called "just me and what I want to do"... I don't have to surrender to someone else's ideas unless I choose to. And I find that the older I get, the harder it is to allow someone else to make decisions for me.
Well, when Biggest Loser was pre-empted for news broadcasting about Tornado warnings, I was upset. My mind muttered something about how they should just have a special channel for this kind of stuff.
And then, the conditions outside caused me to lose wireless internet connection. Now I was super-mad! This is ridiculous!
Now, I not only can't get my weekly fix of weight loss motivation... I can't put my Avon orders together either cause I CAN'T GET ONLINE... MY LIFE IS OVER .... AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHH!

So I pouted for a few seconds and flailing myself down on the couch, I finally became still.
It was then that I heard the reporter speaking with great concern in his voice.
All around the area, people were being devastated... losing their homes and their lives.
Oh.
Oh my gosh.

Sleeping Beauty (Brat in this case), was awakened from her self made slumber.
Oh, God... it's not about me.
It's not about my wants and my plans.

All of a sudden, my tiny little island became connected to the world again.

And in those quiet hours, He was able to speak to my heart and restore my peace... all in the midst of the storm.

To The One Who says "Peace Be Still", and the winds obey... I say thank you.
Once again, You answered the cries of my broken soul... even when I did not know the words to speak.
You amaze me with your overwhelming Love and the power that you have to stay any storm... whether it is physical or emotional.
You are The Healer... You are in control.
Father, be with those who have been ravished by storms outside. And God, please draw so close to those who feel as though their mental and emotional ships have been capsized.
You are in our boats with us.
And we can rest... in the midst of the Storms... because You are.

With great gratitude and an awakened heart... i love you.
tracye

Laying down my cape...

So I don't really feel very prolific these days... just a jumbled mess of a girl who often feels she wants to stop the world and get off.
Been feelin' alot like that lately... and so that's exactly what I've been doing.

It's amazing to me, how taking time for yourself affects the people around you. We can all be so self-absorbed (insert self in that statement first). When someone pulls away from us, the very first thing we often think is "what did I do wrong... or what is it about me that's so bad".
Maybe, just maybe, that person has some stuff to work out for THEMSELVES!!!

Okay, I'm ranting...
And that's were I've been lately... so I've tried to save you from having to endure it... endure me.

I'm learning that about myself... that I'm always trying to save someone from something... or someone.
Um... not my job!
So why is it such a passion?
It's not always because I care... well, not so much.


It's just more of a role that I acquired a long time ago... that seemed to work for me. You know, grant me some favor... make me a little more "necessary" in important people's lives.

But did God ever ask me to be anyone's Superhero?
(blink... blink... sound of crickets)
I'll take that as a NO!

I'm laying down my cape.



Hey Superman...
I realllly need you today.
My attitude is just not the best and I'm not doing so well with seeing what you see.
This is definitely a day for some much needed rescue.

Today, I choose to take my cape off and lay it down at your feet. I give up... this saving the world business is much too much for me.
Will you still let me just be your sidekick?
I think I'd like that...

I don't need much... just Your hand to hold and Your presence, so that I don't feel quite so alone.
Will you speak up for me, when I just don't know what to say? You know, give me the answers when my feeble mind fails?

Can I rest in You, even as I work?
I really need to.
I love you.
Amen.

There's so much going on.
Today, my head spins with thoughts about just everything.
Are you like me... always thinking about a million things, all at one time?
Sometimes I laugh when someone says... "You're so calm" or "You're just so quiet". Whew, if they only knew the clattering clutter in my brain.

Welp, that's just who I am... a thinker.
Constantly pondering things, questioning and wondering.

This year is moving so fast.
January has brought more new things, friends and adventures. It's fun to learn how to let go of all the Shoulds and Have to's... and realize that I DON'T really have to do any of that.
Yep... I'm a rebel.
And I'm okay with that.

So what do you blog about on a day that you've decided to share your thoughts on paper... but the million and one in your head are all fighting for the Headline?

I think for today, I'll just suffice it to stop in and say hi... let you know that I'm thinking about you... amongst the many other things.

Oh, I know... I'll share with you a song that seems to stay on the Jukebox of My Mind alot lately.
Ever since the New Year's Eve show that she sang on... I've been pretty smitten with Natasha Bedingfield's music. There's just something about her voice that I really connect with. I remember how much I liked her song "Unwritten" a couple years back.
Now, I'm totally intrigued by "Love like this".
The original radio version is my fav... but I was jamming out today and came across this really cool acoustic version that totally rocked me.

Enjoy... my 2nd favorite song right now:

Festive!

It's that time of year again... I love it! The grumpiest of people, suddenly come alive... and instead of a scowl, they dawn a bright, shiny smirk!

Even the harshest of smiles is beautiful.... at Christmas time! LOL!

Wow, what a morning. I want to take off of work and smather my house with white lights and red bows... the smell of hot cocoa and cranberry candles aglow. (Sorry about the random rhyming... I just can't help it sometimes).

What a wonderful way to finish this year.... with great joy and happy, happy times!

I think my favorite saying is "Let's be festive together"!!!

And THAT is what I want for Christmas... my every joy enclosed within that request. To share joy and laughter with those that I love... is the greatest gift to my heart.

I am reminded in this moment of all the beautiful things about this life. News of sweet bundles of joy, wrapped in swaddling clothes... (well little London is probably in Baby Gap... so excuse my creative interpretations)... and my other little one... Baby D... so affectionately named "Kid" by mommy and daddy... is still baking! But Auntie Tracye is already excited for you too. She's been asking for you to come for a looooong time... with visions of playing at the park, then heading for ice cream... dancing in her head!!!

I'm just so excited.

Children are such a joy... oh yes, and remember that sweet little nephew of mine that stole my heart and won't let go... Here he is at 2 years old!






Sooo silly... and so much fun!!!
Christmas reminds us to be child-like... and well festive!!!

Have a great day :0)
tray

Tyler Perry's "Why did I get married"

Tyler Perry's new movie Whydidigetmarried is AWESOME... an absolute must see!

I saw it for the first time last night... and have plans to go back again really soon.



If you have ever been in a relationship, period... this movie will speak to you on every level.



One of the most powerful messages that this movie addresses is the idea of 80/20.
I believe that this principle came from T.D. Jakes, who was the first person I heard it from... however, he could have been passing on someone else's revelation as well.
Nevertheless, it is amazing.

80/20 is a concept that goes like this....
You will only receive about 80% of what you want and need from the main relationship in your life. For alot of people this is marriage, or a significant other.
What happens, is that we place so much importance on that 20% that is missing... that when someone comes along who has it... we leave the one we're with to be with what seems better.

The problem is... that we have left the 80%... for only 20%!!!
Isn't it amazing.

I have seen this principle alive in my own life in so many ways....
and I personally believe that it is not only in relationships... but with careers, peer groups, churches and many other areas.
How many times have I made a change... thinking.... Oh my gosh, this is it... this is what I've always wanted. FINALLY! THANK YOU JESUS!!!
Only to find... a month, two months into it.... ummmm this isn't really as great as I thought it was going to be.
Ah man... he's just not as amazing as I first thought...
oh no... this person really has some serious "issues"... hahah.
And the worst part of all.... I think I'm really missing what I already had.

What was I thinking?

Yep... been there, done that.... seems a million times.

Anyway... I just wanted to share a little about that movie... cause it's really amazing. And that principle is so powerful too.

Jesus,

Thank you that you are not 20% or even 80%... you are the full 100% and beyond!
You continue to blow my mind and it's limitation... and make me aware that I have YOUR mind and YOUR thoughts.
I'm so glad that no matter what state we all find ourselves in... we can find contentment in you.
We can stop looking for anyone else to be what we think we want and need... and simply enjoy each person for the goodness that they do bring.
Thanks for Tyler Perry... and his brilliant mind. You've done marvelous things through him... and I pray that he will continue to give you the glory!
This day is perfect. And I look forward to seeing more of you than I saw yesterday.
It's exciting to walk through each moment... experiencing what You choose.
Help me to be the best 80% I can be to all of the people in my life. I know that you and all others will be what I can not... and I find peace in not having to be anymore than I've come to understand right now.
You are big enough :0)

Love you...
tray

So long, Summer!!

This morning, I arose with excitement. That feeling that I can only describe as "like I'm falling in love", has been teasing my senses, again. Each year around this time, when the Summer fades into Fall, there is just something that comes over me. And I love it.

But this year, for the first time since moving to Nashville, I am just a little more greatful for this present season... and I suppose I'll give credit to growing up a little, and gaining perspective as more years of life pass by. It used to be that I would rush this time along... waiting, hoping.... longing for the days of Apple cider and falling leaves... but time has made me different now, and so I'd like to stop and ponder what I've enjoyed about Summer!



This summer has been a time of restored joy, in the deepest sense... not just restoration from a setback, but a "priming of the well within" if you will. You know those Living Waters, the Bible says we have... well, I can feel them flowing again within me.
It's been filled with reconnection with old friends and the re-establishment of old dreams! Yes, Summer is a time of being fully awake and alive!


FLIP FLOPS!!!! Need I say more! I adore the feeling of freedom... lazying around in floppy shoes of every hue. Since I am most happy when I'm wearing these are the next best thing!
This year, I found many new ones, but two pair became my favorites and seem to never leave my feet. One was a pair of cozy grey ones that looked and felt like your favorite soft t-shirt... and the other were a fabulous pair of black ones with a rhinestone circle in the center that reminded me of the eternity necklaces! So pretty! My silly sophistication.... rhinestone and denim diva that I am...lol.
I will miss wearing them the most :0)


Though I did not take an actual vacation this year, I must say that is one of the best parts of summer. Being at the beach, in a great city or up in the mountains when the days are long and free time is plentiful... there's just nothing like it!

Speaking of summer trips, I used to travel across country to Colorado the end of every July. Long car rides are so much fun! But not through Kansas... ugh (sorry if you're from there and you love it). It is by far one of the most boring states I have ever travelled through...
BUT there is a redemptive moment though... one of my fondest memories of those drives, was when after hours of flat land... nothingness... the feeling of desertion (j/k), we would suddenly come upon a field of sunflowers !!! The would seem to stretch for miles and miles!!
Just amazing.... I was always blown away that such a gorgeous scene would be placed out in the middle of nowhere! God is so sweet to give everyone and everything SOMETHING beautiful!!
selah, huh?

There's been so many beautiful things....

Sweet tea and lemonade sipped on patios with good friends...
kids playin' in sprinklers....
Sunshine and soft rains.... at the same time...
The Call 7.7.07
air conditioning in my new car...
falling in love all over again...

just a few memories that have made this Summer... a good one. I'm so thankful!



Daddy,

Thank you for the beauty of another season... today I celebrate the joys and the sweetness of this Summer '07. Wow! You know the full story, of just how much restoration and newness You brought to my life. You've taught me to love, in deeper ways and to embrace the things I don't understand... even if they are a simple as a season... timing. I'm so glad that Your ways are much higher than mine... and that although it took all of these years for me to really value the days of Sunshine...You are so patient and loving. Thank You.
I'm in awe of all that You do.
Bless each friend, new and old.
Continue the restoration and the setting right of all things in my life.
Thank you for new things and fresh adventures... for flip flops and happy hearts!
And for allowing me to fall in love with you, all over again.

I'm amazed by You!
amen,
:0)

InspiRED...

Though I've always been a visual person, it seems that I am affected more deeply than ever, by images lately.
This one, in particular has inspired me to write creatively... giving life to a character and a story of what takes place on this particular day, beneath this tree. Ideas are dancing through my head and I feel a certain satisfaction, just to bring something to life. These are the days that I feel honored to be a writer.

Autumn is coming.
The thought of it makes me smile.

Summer is almost over... and I am sooo glad to feel the temperatures lower and the evening breezes begin. Excitement stirs for cozy sweaters, falling leaves and Pumpkin Spice Lattes... but I sure will miss my flip flops!

Ahh... another change of seasons. It's one of the few guarantees that we have.

Addio Pavarotti...

Today, the world said farewell to one of music's most majestic offerings... the unique and dazzling voice of Luciano Pavarotti!
What a shock it was to sit down this morning, begin my daily rituals at my desk and find there on the front page of MSN, that The Voice of Opera, had finished his journey.

Having spent 5 years of my life studying the vocal athletics we call "Opera", Pavarotti was in many ways, like a distant mentor. A "natural", is what he was called. Very few performers can exhibit such tremendous ability in a way that seems almost effortless! He did!
And my life was impacted by his example.

So tonight, Lord... I give you thanks for your son. The Pavarotti!
The name sounds so big, so huge to a world who set him in high places. He was adored and honored. Yet, I know that it was YOUR VOICE that sung through Him... and YOUR ABILITIES that were put on display.
Bravo, Daddy! You did an awesome job, through Him.
Thank you that He is resting from his labor. Now bring comfort to his family, loved ones, friends and admirers that he leaves to continue their journey to You. Hold them close and soothe them with Your Love.
I praise You for a life that resounded with Your Greatness!
Thank you... for it's permanent imprints upon my life.
I will cherish what you've done, forever.
With a greatful heart... amen,

tracye lynn

HeartStrum: Under the Tuscan Sun

Okay... so I'm introducing today... a little thing called "Heartstrums". To me, it's a cute little way to describe those ah ha! or Light bulb moments when something really makes sense in a "feel-good" kinda way. You know, when you just get a sweet melody of understanding that plucks your heart...so cheesy as it may seem (and I do like cheese)... I bring you my first "HeartStrum"!

I am really enjoying the beginnings of my day off... this Labor Day '07. The morning began after another late night that ended well into the morning. Strangely that has been the norm for me for a few months now. I'm finally beginning to LIKE it! Who would have ever thought I'd be a night owl?

So my morning began around 10am, and I rolled out of bed and landed at my computer. Emails, myspace, blog reading... how nice to just catch up and feel so connected to so many people. Random pieces of breakfast here and there, peach tea and a sudoku later, I find myself lying cozily on the couch soaking in the beautiful scenery from the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun".

I haven't scen this movie since Renee and I watched it when it was in the theaters.

The gorgeous display of Tuscany... so rich to take in.

As I watched though... I found myself impressed by so many profound statements.

Had this movie changed... or had I?

Back in 2003, I had not gone through the life events that are now logged in the photo albums and scrapbooks of my mind. I could not identify with Frances' life as deeply as I can today.

What a difference 4 years makes.

So I find my heart swelling open as a flower that senses daylight, after a long night as I am touched by several moments.

Just to bring you into the theme of the movie... I'll tell you the general jist:
Frances, has spontaneously bought a house during a vacation in Tuscany. She has recently been divorced and decided that she just can't bare to return to the States. One day, well into the process of remodeling this 300 year old home, she begins to question her reasons for holding on to hope... for moving toward a faded dream of a husband and children... and for investing such time, money and even more costly emotions into building this dream that has not even a shadow of appearing.

Martini, a dear new friend says this -

Martini: Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.

He also, getting lost in the depth of the moment and intoxified by the beauty of an exposed and questioning heart, says -

Martini: Signora. Please stop being so sad. If you continue like this, I will be forced to make love to you. And I've never been unfaithful to my wife.

(What that must have meant to hear those words... for so many reason...).

And the chord that has struck me the most, so far (I was interrupted by a phone call and then distracted by bells and dings of message notifications and confirmations of this evenings plans)... was this...

Frances: Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

Martini: No, it's not stupid, Signora Mayes. L'amore e cieco.

Frances: Oh, love is blind. Yeah, we have that saying too.

Martini: Everybody has that saying because it's true everywhere.

Life experience has brought me a new understanding of relationships and of divorce. I've never been married. Yet, I have walked through deep relationship... one in particular that ventured far past the understanding of many people we knew. And I have tasted the cataclysmic pain of someone you share love with, deciding that what you have trustingly offered them is not what they desire... to be dismissed from their life and have the door to their heart slammed in your face.

Yeah... I have some clues about that now.

And it would have probably been easier for it to just kill me instantly... as morbid as that may sound. But it didn't.

Does it still hurt? Oh God, yes!

But am I better for it? Oh God yes!

This movie is beautiful... so honest and tangible.

And my life... quite brokenly beautiful, as well. I am glad to be able to feel every moment of this existence. The mountain top ecstasies and the deep valley devestation.

I'm okay.

Day by day, I release a little more... accept a little more... and like Frances, I invest in the dreams of my future... and prepare for the trains arrival, before I ever hear it's sound.

On that note... I'm off to celebrate this day with a wonderful group of people... singing, worshipping, eating!... chatting (of course)... and maybe some debit-card Monopoly too :0)

see ya,

tracye

My first Meme

Allllright... so getting back to the blogging thing after a year is an educational thing. Reading through so many different pages and being a part of webrings is totally enlightening.
I'm learning about these little things called "memes"! How fun!
And since I changed the address of my blog and no one can really find me yet, I'm going to grab one of these off of someone else's page and just get one of these rolling in my own little world.
So here goes!


A Big Long MeMe

Ever thought of just picking up and moving far away? ugh yes... I do often. This has actually been something I've done more than once in my life... and I've never regretted... although I came high-tailin' it back from D.C. when I left Nashville for a couple of months. Each experience has been life-changing and very rewarding. No... I don't really want to leave Nashville anytime soon... but I am hearing some whispers of what the next possible move might be :0)

What's the wallpaper on your computer? - it is a really cool photo that gives the appearance of you being inside a car and it's raining. The window that you are looking out of is covered in condensation and so you take your finger and draw a single cross on it. Pretty neat!

What is the last thing/person you took a picture of? - my neice and my nephews playing together at my sis' in Atlanta!

What was the most difficult decision you've ever had to make? - To truly let go of and honestly forgive the most amazing person who ever vanished from my life.

Name a band/artist you like that isn't popular. Well living in Nashville and knowing so many amazing Indie artists... there are sooo many. Shariff Iman, Christa Black, Chris McClarney to name a few...

Can you lift your significant other? - nope... Jesus is my only s.o. and He bares the weight of the world on His shoulder. So we've come to the conclusion that HE'LL do all the heavy lifting!!

What is the first vehicle you recall your parents owning? - a navy blue station wagon with the wood on the side!!! hollering laughing!

You only have $5 for the whole week; What do you buy with it? - I don't do "broke" very well... I'd probably waste it on a Starbucks coffee and then charge everything for the rest of the week... it aint pretty but that's the truth, kids!

What was the worst job you ever had? - I've had so many since I moved to Nashville... probably the one where my boss played favorites with 2 people in my dept and treated me and another girl like we had uni-brows and bad breath every day for 21/2 years of my life!!! Thank God for deliverance!!!

Have you ever seen counterfeit money? - I hope not!!!

Have you ever lost a pet you were attached to? - Yes, when I was in the 8th grade... our cat, Max ate a poisonous toad and didn't make it... I thought I would surely die. It was the most pitiful day... I think I cried all day at school.

You're at an amusement park; What ride do you want to go on first? - the one we've all been talking about the whole trip there!

You can read minds; Whose mind do you snoop around in first? - ohhhh that's not a good question for me to answer out loud right now ;0)

What was the most rebellious thing you've ever done? - risk my life and mouth off to my mother!

Do you ever talk to inanimate objects? - Yeah, but I could have swore that somethin' tried to answer me the other day... so I think I'm gonna kick that habit :0)

Pick one; Laundry, Dishes, Vacuuming. - are you kidding me... D - NONE OF THE ABOVE!!!!

Have you ever had to change schools while growing up? - Yes. military brat. it all worked out just fine.

You are forced to go out of state; Where do you go? - Dallas.... Portland... or somewhere in California maybe. I'm cool with traveling.

Name the most meaningful thing a non-relative has done for you. - I have been blessed to walk through 4 dream years with a person who blessed me, blessed me and then pulled out all the stops and blessed me some more. I have more meaningful things that I can tell about in those times then many will have in their entire lifetimes. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I am one blessed chick!

The highway or back roads take you to the same place; Choose your route. - Depends on how I'm feeling that day... and who I'm with :0)

You're going to be a mom/dad. What do you think/do? - Um... Jesus... you've got some explainin' to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you more likely to give up or persist when you're having trouble? - persist... i'm too stubborn to just give up anymore.

What's the most challenging thing you've ever over come? - Absolute embarrassment, shame and heartbreak rolled into one incident!

Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; Do you give them one of yours? - I would have.

Your brother breaks into your house; Do you press charges? - I really don't know. It would depend on how responsive he was to me when we talked about his reasons why, I suppose? Not sure!

Name a big life event that has taken place for you within the last two years. - Job changes, moves, loss of a deep friendship, became an Auntie again...

Do you end up regretting things you say often? - no... I very rarely regret saying anything because I really do MEAN it... even if it's a hard Truth for someone to swallow. I often hurt because people don't like to deal with Truth... and that causes some strains in relationship. But I'm okay with it.

Would you rather have a huge cat or a tiny dog? - huge cat!

Pringles or Lay's Stax? - not a big chip person.

Name one difficult lesson you've learned. - Boundaries in relationships are very important.

Name one thing you look forward to in old age. - Greater wisdom and the opportunity to share it with the younger generations.

Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying? - OMG yes...ha!

You own a huge business; What is it? - A center designed and focused on inner healing.

Are you afraid to ask for help when you know that you need it? - sometimes... yes, this is one of my weak points.

Should adoptive kids be allowed to find their birth parents if they want to? - yes. I desire to adopt children... and although I want them to know me as Mom... I also want them to be aware that someone else actually gave them life and that they have the right to want to know them and pursue relationship with them if they choose. I think it would be a double blessing to know that someone CHOSE to love you... just like Jesus did.

Name somebody you think died before their time. - My friend Sue from college who unfortunately committed suicide. I don't think I will ever forget her.

A friend is (rightly) suspected in a crime; Do you provide an alibi? - Only if it's true!

Name the possession you've had the longest. - don't know. not a big heirloom person.

You're writing a novel; Is it horror, mystery, romance, etc. - chick lit.

You have a deep dark secret; Do you tell anyone? - of course... I don't really have secrets.

Will you usually admit it when you've made a mistake? - absolutely. it's not the end of the world. I mess up all the time... in some way or another... and I never expected that I wouldn't. So what's the big deal?

A friend of yours has a drug addiction; Do you tell someone? - been there done that. only told the people they wanted to know.

Well this was long but interesting to even see how I would answer them myself.

I think I'll tag Michelle at "From His Heart To Mine" and Lindsey at "Lindsey Barrows".
Come on ladies and have some fun!

i love the way He loves me...

What an awesome night it's been.
I spent time with some wonderful new friends, Benjamin and Bonnie.
They are so sweetly in love.
And after spending time with them tonight, they rekindled my excitement about dating and possibly, one day, being married too.



Their relationship is so obvious... so natural... so refreshing.
After two years of marriage, they still hang on one another's words, linger in their gazes and enjoy the comfort of each other's touch. It was so inspiring to me... to share with them, the first night since the scorching entrance of summer that brought a gentle breeze and the promise of Autumn whispering upon it.
It was.... well, romantic!

We had dinner on the patio of one of my favorite restaurants in Belle Meade... enjoying the perfect evening outside... as we shared stories of what's going on in our lives and how God is so present in each situation. How awesome to give Him the glory on nights like this.

Afterwards, we went for a walk down a street lined with gorgeous homes... through a field full of leaves that crunched beneath our feet as we shared about our home towns. We arrived a few hundred feet from the front porch of the Belle Meade Mansion.
I was just struck by such a real sense of God's nearness... as they stood hand in hand and I, in the embrace of The Lover of My Soul. It was perfect. They looked deeply into one another's eyes and grinningly at me, as they re-enacted the scene of their engagement in the exact spot that they stood.
Never has a married couple made me feel more loved than they did tonight. Their love was intoxicating... and enticing to be around. I was blown away by how comfortable they were to be with... and how easy it was to celebrate the joy of this memory with them.

We ended the evening with more deep conversation and a powerful time of prayer... one of my favorite things to do. I can not explain just how perfectly the revelations that the Lord had given each of us, spoke into one another's lives. God never ceases to amaze me. We were all looking with wide-eyed wonder as He spoke through us... bringing answers and comfort to some of our deepest questions and hurts.
Wow... God!
Thank you.

And then to come home tonight and find that my new Shane and Shane Cd had finally arrived!
Smiling... just when I thought a really special night couldn't get any better!!!!!!!
I'm so excited...
You know what this means... that I'll have even more revelations to share...lol.
Alright it's off to bed with me now... pretty full day tomorrow.
Hope your day was amazing too.

Let's give Him thanks...
Daddddddy! You are such a wonderful giver of surprises!!!
Thank you for the impromptu plans with Bonnie and Benjamin tonight.
Thank you for the amazing healing that you brought to our hearts tonight as you spoke through each one of us in the most profound ways. Thank you for all of the revelations, dreams and prophetic words that helped to restore and encourage us tonight.
Thank you for the breeze... and the winds of remembrance that brought both great joy... and some sorrow. We lift it all to you tonight.
i am in absolute awe of how You make everyday that is entrusted to You, beautiful!!!!
You're so perfect and the very best friend I could ever have.
Thank you for holding my hand tonight... and holding my heart at all times.
I feel so safe with you.
And I say YES, Lord. Yes to all that you have for me.
If that includes marriage... then okay.
Thank you for the reminders, lately... of just how beautiful romance can be.
Amazingly, my shattered heart is being healed... as I see your hand in relationships all around me. Yes, Daddy... I believe you... and I trust that I am ready when You are!

i just can't thank you enough for the way you love.
i love you too.
in Jesus' Name.
amen.

Happy Happy!!!

It's Friday...
oh how I love this day... especially at work. There's such great anticipation of leaving the chains of the and finding whatever freedom and fun that may come.

Maybe we'll do the or hang out at a .

With the wonderfully long weeekend... I'm sure we'll probably get into that and much more!
Hope you have a great day!!!

Bring on the rain!

This picture so perfectly represents how I feel this morning.
We have rain... actually thunderstorms in our forecast today... and I am very excited about it. Here in Nashville, we desperately need rain... and here in my heart, I do too.



I pray that today will be a day that we don't look at a downpour and worry about our hair, or the traffic flow interruptions. But, may we rejoice and be thankful that we are graciously given what is NEEDED!

In the natural... we can be thankful that the dry, thirsty ground and the precious trees are receiving the water it has longed for...
And in our hearts, Lord, will you come and bring a flood of living water, that refreshes and restores us back to a peaceful place in You!

We need your rain, Lord.
Even when we don't know why we feel the way we do... it's so simply You that we're desperate for...




Come rain on us today. You are welcome. We love you...
In Jesus' Name. Amen!
tray

Pages...

Last night, I was absolutely blessed to experience brand new music from one of my favorite groups, Shane and Shane. A new friend and I spent the evening enjoying the 2nd night of their brand new "Pages" Tour, here in Nashville.
It was wonderful to say the least... and I was on the edge of my seat, hanging on to every word, every nuance of sound... every heavily aspirated H that Shane Barnard released... every resounding, powerhouse belt from Shane Everett. I am simply taken aback by their music... by the intensity of their passionate harmonies that seem to come from the tip of their toes and the bottom of their hearts.

You probably have those artists in your life that always seem to speak directly to you... well the Shane's are definitely on my top 5 list of "Revelators". I can always count on them to bring a fresh perspective to an old concept, or a brand new stream of thought that causes me to ponder for days, weeks and well even years...



I was pleasantly surprised to find a video of one of my favorite songs called "Holiday". Smiling.
Last night as I heard this song... it made me think of a sweet friend from my past... We would write back and forth to one another allll day long every day. One of the sweetest parts of our relationships was the constant love notes from a friend that we would exchange each day. They were so encouraging and inspiring.
I'll never forget the day that I wrote a little poem telling my sweet friend how fortunate I felt to have them in my life in this way.
My little words went something like this:

"You're like a vacation in the middle of my work day...
an oasis of joy in a desert of demands.
You're like flowers by surprise... and impromptu lunch plans...
my sweet friend... i love having you by my side... no matter where I am."

something like that....

Gosh... the memories.

Well, this song reminded me of those thoughts... and that season of friendship.
It was a type and shadow of an even greater relationship.

I'm so greatful for that friend... and those times... and I'm even more in awe of this beautiful affair that I've had with Jesus for so many years.

He truly is all of those things to me and even more.... now and forever.

Take a look at the video... and enjoy this awesome song!

I hope you find yourself feeling this way about Him too!

Bless you,
tray

Sweet, sweet Jesus. I am just so overwhelmed by Who You are. You never cease to amaze me with Your love... and the way that you allow Your children to express what we're feeling about you.

Thank you so much for my brothers, Shane and Shane... and for the way they are so willing to put their love for you on display for all the world to see. You are so worth it!

Thank you for all of the revelations that I received last night in that concert... I could share for a week about the passion for you that was stirred... but tonight.... I just want to stop and think about how you have been my "Favorite Part Of Me" for so long... What a wonderful thing to think on. You truly ARE my Holiday! I love you sooooo much, Jesus.
You are the best friend I could ever have... and I'm absolutely smitten by You!
Tonight... I just wanna celebrate You.
in Jesus Name... amen.

G'night,
Tray

As for me and my house...

I am finding out more and more, just what it means to be a good leader, each day.

Why the Lord picked me, well.... Bless HIS heart.. hahha!

I'm flattered.

I'm flustered.

And I'm learning how to relax into the role.

I've joined the Christian Women's webring... and last night as I sat randomly roaming through the pages... my heart was pricked by all of the Mommy blogs. To my dismay, once again... my subconcious roving for a Single Woman, loving her God and doing it all...my mentor I'm missing out on.... was still no where to be found. Sighs.

I'm not a mommy.

not a wife.

it's just me and my amazing God!

and sometimes i still wonder... is that okay?

most days... well, honestly... I still don't know for sure.

i know what i tell myself

i know what God says in His word.

what society says,

....the Church.

I'm finding that my roles in this single life are quite interesting. And just this year, the Lord has really begun to draw me out into deeper waters with younger people. Though I've always been a leader at School, in Church and different organizations... I never knew how challenging it would be to take on that title in my own home.

My roommate is a beautiful, bubbly, excited 21 year old. Everything in life makes her coo and thrill. She's amazing to experience life with. She's thirsty for relationship... with people and with God. Her heart is longing to be led, taught, shaped and groomed.

It is an honor beyond any I've ever known to be an example, a light... a role model.

I also have been "adopted" by a very rambunctious 12 year old, who brings me to my knees before the throne... with the deepest, most heart-wrenching questions. She demands that I seek the Lord... in order to teach her how... and lead her in the right way.

I'm amazed, God.

That you would do this now... that you would entrust me with such precious gifts... so fragile and so impressionable.

Some days, I go to bed saying... "Wow, God... we really did a pretty good job today" and other days, I wake up full of silly fears that today will be the day that I really blow it in our lives.

And so this morning... I'm climbing up in Daddy's arms... and I've decided I'm not coming down all day. That's where I choose to work from, live from... and love and lead my little household from.

I also realize now... that I have alot in common with my potentially new friends... the Mommies of the webring. They own the role of leader every day. So I'm excited to meet you all... and to live learn and grow together.

Have a beautiful day...

let's pray,

Daddy,

I really really need you today.

The enemy would like for me to start this morning, feeling inadequate and pondering my incapabilities... but Father, I know that your thoughts toward me, are ones of power, love and a sound mind. It's not about me... period. It is all about YOUR abilities and everything that YOU choose to do in and through me today and always.

So like a little child... I will lead from your lap.

Pick me up, Daddy... so that I can see the way you do.

I trust you, fully... openly... passionately.

And nothing is gonna happen in this day, that you haven't planned for.

Thank you for letting me rest.

I love you...Amen,

Tracye lynn

Monday... Fun Day!

So today was a non-typical Monday. It was actually pretty enjoyable...

It began in our very typical Monday morning staff meeting... that was quite entertaining and enjoyable. Our President relayed a great message that she heard from a well-known lady coach in the area... inspirational stuff. Of the five or so key points that she mentioned, the one that stood out the most was about taking responsibility. She didn't mean just for the bad stuff that happens... but also for the good things that happen.
Hmmm... take responsibility for the good things?
That's a fresh concept.
So I thought about that throughout the day... and am still letting it linger now.

We had a new person start working in our department today... very docile and kind. I believe she is a true blessing. She, too, is a musician... which excites me!
The team took her to a mexican fiesta of a lunch at Mazatlan's... one of my bosses' and my own personal favorites! Fun times... good conversation and a great way to keep a fairly "heavy" day a little lighter than usual.

After lunch, my new friend shadowed me for the rest of the work day. It was awesome for me because I love to teach so much. Before I knew it... the time had flown by and we were clocking out for the day! Wow!

I was pretty crabby, cranky and down right hard-to-get-along with this past weekend... so I thought I'd make tonight a fun night for my friends and myself. A not-so-quick saunter through Tar-jay scored my roomie and I some dinner and a new board game.

Did you know that Monopoly now has a version that no longer has paper money but DEBIT CARDS for monetary exchange! OMG!!!
We all had the GREATEST time tonight playing the coolest game I've seen in awhile!!!
The banker role, is now my most favorite, as you insert debit cards and make transactions between players.
All of the game pieces are different now... of course I just HAD to be the box of Altoids!!! Too fun! And I was bittersweetly excited to see that our Grand Ol' Opry made the game... woohoo. But sadly, it was on the first street out from "GO"... you know... the property that you always deem "low income housing"! The ones that you can put like hotels on and people still only have to pay you $150 dollars... lol! Oh well.
What a great game though... I completely recommend it!

So there... my President would be proud of me tonight... for taking responsibility for bringing home something fun and new that made my friends smile and forget about the stressful days that they had. For me, it was kinda like a "pay it forward" for the amazing day that God gave me.

I hope your day was surprisingly pleasant too. And if not... there's always tomorrow...
just remember to take responsibility and do your best to MAKE it a great day!

love and blessings,
tray

A New Beginning...

Here I go again... starting over.
It seems to be a theme for my life.

So this time, instead of making all of the promises I never keep... I'll just be excited about this post today. Okay...

So life is still interesting as always... and I'm still the same, over-thinking, pondering, discussing, ready to share girl I've always been. And I'm finding out more and more... that it's totally okay.

Life's sure changed ALOT since October of 2006. Goodness... that seems a million years ago.

And you know what... instead of wasting time... and emotions on trying to bring you up to speed with all the changes... I'm just going to start from today... and in time, if you continue to read this... you'll figure out what's different for yourself :0)
Sounds good to me.

I'm watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... and eating Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins right now. It's great therapy for the cranky, moody, girlyness I'm going through today.

It feels funny to be this crabby because I've been so "on top of the world" for so long. But it all seemed to hit me on Friday... all the anger, hurt and well just so many unhappy feelings that I've been working on not feeling. smiling.

I don't like being sad... it's really alot less fun than being silly or wild and crazy... you know?
But I suppose that we get ourselves into trouble when we try to have all joy and no sorrow, huh? i'm learning.

You know... somedays... I feel so grown up and ready to conquer it all. I feel able to be professional with my clients and a mentor to the young people in my life.
Somedays I just feel soooo capable!

not today.

Today, I would like to be beside my mommy... watching black and white movies and eating popcorn or whatever else we decided we wanted. Just being together... talking some, being quiet some... and falling asleep here and there.

that would be so nice.
i really miss her, especially today.

i miss a few things today... a few people.
and u know what... some of them don't miss me.
some of them feel free now.
now that i am out of their life.
it's surprising to know that i am that to someone.
someone to get away from.

ouch.

really ouch.

But the world doesn't stop turning and life is still to be lived. And I plan to live it.

I may be damaged... yes, deeply wounded right now. Still there is love. Still there is hope... and still God is amazing.

i hope you're having a happy day today.
it hasn't been for me... but hey, i suppose you can't stay on a happy streak forever.

at some point, you'll run into an old mutual friend... and it won't be there words, but their silence that hurts so bad.
sometimes in an effort to spare us pain, people will wound us with the things that are left unsaid.
yes, we need nearness. we need smiles and to laugh.

but me...

today...

i really needed words.

Again!

Well well well!
It's been a long time since I've posted, once again!

Here I am... picking up where I left off... again!

Life has been quite interesting since spring time (I think that was probably the last time I posted). Many changes have happened... some joyous, some heartbreaking. And yet, there is one thing that lasts through all of the changes. I'm still here! Smile.

I've met new friends... parted ways with some old... reacquainted with past loves and sighed at the thought of fanning a new flame.
Does it ever get easier? Make complete sense?

Tonight, I sit on my bed... too sick with a cold to join my friends for coffee and a great word... yet not sick enough to forget all of the things on my mind and turn in for the night at 6pm :0)

Restless... would be a good word for me.

My lifestyle has changed so much... some from my own doing... some by the choices of others.
And for the first time in my life, newness is not overwhelmingly welcome.

Have you ever grieved what was never really there? Awaken to realize you had been dreaming, yet not asleep?
Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick... I think I could write this story.
But not because I long to linger in the sadness of "this will never be"... but because I know that God has a turning of the page in near sight for me!!

At the end of me... I am discovering a place in God that I had only imagined there could be. In Him, I am finding that I do not have to have all the answers. I do not have to know the reasons behind the obedience. I don't have to be strong enough not to cry.
He reassures me that it's okay to hurt.
He comforts me in abandonment.
He holds me when even in the summer sun, my heart feels cold.
He tells me it's alright to share my feelings... the deep ones that others would never share with just anybody.
And again... it alright for there to be more tears.

But there's a morning!
Oh, what a sweet morning it is!!
For after the weeping... after the wailing... after the hurt so deep you feel you'll drown... JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!!!!

I'm not sure where you are right now in your life. Maybe you're on the mountain top! Maybe you're walking on the water... Maybe you're smiling with the radiance of one who is content... or maybe like me... you're rising from a long wintery season of life!
No matter where you are... it's okay. God is STILL in control.

I am looking forward to what Spring will bring... as my heart is renewed.

And as I begin again... to share Life from my view.. I ask that the Lord will be exalted through each line... each word... each personal truth.

Dear Daddy,

It's been so long since I desired to put words to what my heart has been feeling. This summer has not been the most joyous one of my life. There have been so many hard things... and yes, so many joys... yet my clouded mind found it easier to linger upon what was painful. But God, I thank you that... as always, you've brought me through.
You're amazing.
Lord, may my life's story show accurately... the face of a deeply broken woman who is prone to wander, make messes, over-think life, let you down and simply not live up to her potential.
But may the greatest and longest portion of the story be that portion that paints you to be precisely Who You Are!!!
God, You are My Savior! My Song and My Sweetheart!
You are the One Who has never turned away...
You are the One Who has never been ashamed of or bored with me.
You make everything Fine!!
Lord, You have been beside me through all of the confusing times... and have held my heart when it hurt the most! You, Oh Lord have desired me when I was the most wretched!
You... have been a Forever Friend... through all of my irritating ways. Wow! Thank you, Lord!

And so tonight... I think you for the days that have led to this one!
Though they have been difficult... I have learned more about You through them.
That makes each moment... so worth it!
Thank you for thinking I am WORTH IT!
Everything You went through for me! You're amazing!
Thank You, Sweet Jesus... for being EVERYTHING to me!

I love you,
Tracye Lynn