HeartStrum: Under the Tuscan Sun

Okay... so I'm introducing today... a little thing called "Heartstrums". To me, it's a cute little way to describe those ah ha! or Light bulb moments when something really makes sense in a "feel-good" kinda way. You know, when you just get a sweet melody of understanding that plucks your heart...so cheesy as it may seem (and I do like cheese)... I bring you my first "HeartStrum"!

I am really enjoying the beginnings of my day off... this Labor Day '07. The morning began after another late night that ended well into the morning. Strangely that has been the norm for me for a few months now. I'm finally beginning to LIKE it! Who would have ever thought I'd be a night owl?

So my morning began around 10am, and I rolled out of bed and landed at my computer. Emails, myspace, blog reading... how nice to just catch up and feel so connected to so many people. Random pieces of breakfast here and there, peach tea and a sudoku later, I find myself lying cozily on the couch soaking in the beautiful scenery from the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun".

I haven't scen this movie since Renee and I watched it when it was in the theaters.

The gorgeous display of Tuscany... so rich to take in.

As I watched though... I found myself impressed by so many profound statements.

Had this movie changed... or had I?

Back in 2003, I had not gone through the life events that are now logged in the photo albums and scrapbooks of my mind. I could not identify with Frances' life as deeply as I can today.

What a difference 4 years makes.

So I find my heart swelling open as a flower that senses daylight, after a long night as I am touched by several moments.

Just to bring you into the theme of the movie... I'll tell you the general jist:
Frances, has spontaneously bought a house during a vacation in Tuscany. She has recently been divorced and decided that she just can't bare to return to the States. One day, well into the process of remodeling this 300 year old home, she begins to question her reasons for holding on to hope... for moving toward a faded dream of a husband and children... and for investing such time, money and even more costly emotions into building this dream that has not even a shadow of appearing.

Martini, a dear new friend says this -

Martini: Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.

He also, getting lost in the depth of the moment and intoxified by the beauty of an exposed and questioning heart, says -

Martini: Signora. Please stop being so sad. If you continue like this, I will be forced to make love to you. And I've never been unfaithful to my wife.

(What that must have meant to hear those words... for so many reason...).

And the chord that has struck me the most, so far (I was interrupted by a phone call and then distracted by bells and dings of message notifications and confirmations of this evenings plans)... was this...

Frances: Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

Martini: No, it's not stupid, Signora Mayes. L'amore e cieco.

Frances: Oh, love is blind. Yeah, we have that saying too.

Martini: Everybody has that saying because it's true everywhere.

Life experience has brought me a new understanding of relationships and of divorce. I've never been married. Yet, I have walked through deep relationship... one in particular that ventured far past the understanding of many people we knew. And I have tasted the cataclysmic pain of someone you share love with, deciding that what you have trustingly offered them is not what they desire... to be dismissed from their life and have the door to their heart slammed in your face.

Yeah... I have some clues about that now.

And it would have probably been easier for it to just kill me instantly... as morbid as that may sound. But it didn't.

Does it still hurt? Oh God, yes!

But am I better for it? Oh God yes!

This movie is beautiful... so honest and tangible.

And my life... quite brokenly beautiful, as well. I am glad to be able to feel every moment of this existence. The mountain top ecstasies and the deep valley devestation.

I'm okay.

Day by day, I release a little more... accept a little more... and like Frances, I invest in the dreams of my future... and prepare for the trains arrival, before I ever hear it's sound.

On that note... I'm off to celebrate this day with a wonderful group of people... singing, worshipping, eating!... chatting (of course)... and maybe some debit-card Monopoly too :0)

see ya,

tracye

My first Meme

Allllright... so getting back to the blogging thing after a year is an educational thing. Reading through so many different pages and being a part of webrings is totally enlightening.
I'm learning about these little things called "memes"! How fun!
And since I changed the address of my blog and no one can really find me yet, I'm going to grab one of these off of someone else's page and just get one of these rolling in my own little world.
So here goes!


A Big Long MeMe

Ever thought of just picking up and moving far away? ugh yes... I do often. This has actually been something I've done more than once in my life... and I've never regretted... although I came high-tailin' it back from D.C. when I left Nashville for a couple of months. Each experience has been life-changing and very rewarding. No... I don't really want to leave Nashville anytime soon... but I am hearing some whispers of what the next possible move might be :0)

What's the wallpaper on your computer? - it is a really cool photo that gives the appearance of you being inside a car and it's raining. The window that you are looking out of is covered in condensation and so you take your finger and draw a single cross on it. Pretty neat!

What is the last thing/person you took a picture of? - my neice and my nephews playing together at my sis' in Atlanta!

What was the most difficult decision you've ever had to make? - To truly let go of and honestly forgive the most amazing person who ever vanished from my life.

Name a band/artist you like that isn't popular. Well living in Nashville and knowing so many amazing Indie artists... there are sooo many. Shariff Iman, Christa Black, Chris McClarney to name a few...

Can you lift your significant other? - nope... Jesus is my only s.o. and He bares the weight of the world on His shoulder. So we've come to the conclusion that HE'LL do all the heavy lifting!!

What is the first vehicle you recall your parents owning? - a navy blue station wagon with the wood on the side!!! hollering laughing!

You only have $5 for the whole week; What do you buy with it? - I don't do "broke" very well... I'd probably waste it on a Starbucks coffee and then charge everything for the rest of the week... it aint pretty but that's the truth, kids!

What was the worst job you ever had? - I've had so many since I moved to Nashville... probably the one where my boss played favorites with 2 people in my dept and treated me and another girl like we had uni-brows and bad breath every day for 21/2 years of my life!!! Thank God for deliverance!!!

Have you ever seen counterfeit money? - I hope not!!!

Have you ever lost a pet you were attached to? - Yes, when I was in the 8th grade... our cat, Max ate a poisonous toad and didn't make it... I thought I would surely die. It was the most pitiful day... I think I cried all day at school.

You're at an amusement park; What ride do you want to go on first? - the one we've all been talking about the whole trip there!

You can read minds; Whose mind do you snoop around in first? - ohhhh that's not a good question for me to answer out loud right now ;0)

What was the most rebellious thing you've ever done? - risk my life and mouth off to my mother!

Do you ever talk to inanimate objects? - Yeah, but I could have swore that somethin' tried to answer me the other day... so I think I'm gonna kick that habit :0)

Pick one; Laundry, Dishes, Vacuuming. - are you kidding me... D - NONE OF THE ABOVE!!!!

Have you ever had to change schools while growing up? - Yes. military brat. it all worked out just fine.

You are forced to go out of state; Where do you go? - Dallas.... Portland... or somewhere in California maybe. I'm cool with traveling.

Name the most meaningful thing a non-relative has done for you. - I have been blessed to walk through 4 dream years with a person who blessed me, blessed me and then pulled out all the stops and blessed me some more. I have more meaningful things that I can tell about in those times then many will have in their entire lifetimes. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I am one blessed chick!

The highway or back roads take you to the same place; Choose your route. - Depends on how I'm feeling that day... and who I'm with :0)

You're going to be a mom/dad. What do you think/do? - Um... Jesus... you've got some explainin' to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you more likely to give up or persist when you're having trouble? - persist... i'm too stubborn to just give up anymore.

What's the most challenging thing you've ever over come? - Absolute embarrassment, shame and heartbreak rolled into one incident!

Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; Do you give them one of yours? - I would have.

Your brother breaks into your house; Do you press charges? - I really don't know. It would depend on how responsive he was to me when we talked about his reasons why, I suppose? Not sure!

Name a big life event that has taken place for you within the last two years. - Job changes, moves, loss of a deep friendship, became an Auntie again...

Do you end up regretting things you say often? - no... I very rarely regret saying anything because I really do MEAN it... even if it's a hard Truth for someone to swallow. I often hurt because people don't like to deal with Truth... and that causes some strains in relationship. But I'm okay with it.

Would you rather have a huge cat or a tiny dog? - huge cat!

Pringles or Lay's Stax? - not a big chip person.

Name one difficult lesson you've learned. - Boundaries in relationships are very important.

Name one thing you look forward to in old age. - Greater wisdom and the opportunity to share it with the younger generations.

Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying? - OMG yes...ha!

You own a huge business; What is it? - A center designed and focused on inner healing.

Are you afraid to ask for help when you know that you need it? - sometimes... yes, this is one of my weak points.

Should adoptive kids be allowed to find their birth parents if they want to? - yes. I desire to adopt children... and although I want them to know me as Mom... I also want them to be aware that someone else actually gave them life and that they have the right to want to know them and pursue relationship with them if they choose. I think it would be a double blessing to know that someone CHOSE to love you... just like Jesus did.

Name somebody you think died before their time. - My friend Sue from college who unfortunately committed suicide. I don't think I will ever forget her.

A friend is (rightly) suspected in a crime; Do you provide an alibi? - Only if it's true!

Name the possession you've had the longest. - don't know. not a big heirloom person.

You're writing a novel; Is it horror, mystery, romance, etc. - chick lit.

You have a deep dark secret; Do you tell anyone? - of course... I don't really have secrets.

Will you usually admit it when you've made a mistake? - absolutely. it's not the end of the world. I mess up all the time... in some way or another... and I never expected that I wouldn't. So what's the big deal?

A friend of yours has a drug addiction; Do you tell someone? - been there done that. only told the people they wanted to know.

Well this was long but interesting to even see how I would answer them myself.

I think I'll tag Michelle at "From His Heart To Mine" and Lindsey at "Lindsey Barrows".
Come on ladies and have some fun!

i love the way He loves me...

What an awesome night it's been.
I spent time with some wonderful new friends, Benjamin and Bonnie.
They are so sweetly in love.
And after spending time with them tonight, they rekindled my excitement about dating and possibly, one day, being married too.



Their relationship is so obvious... so natural... so refreshing.
After two years of marriage, they still hang on one another's words, linger in their gazes and enjoy the comfort of each other's touch. It was so inspiring to me... to share with them, the first night since the scorching entrance of summer that brought a gentle breeze and the promise of Autumn whispering upon it.
It was.... well, romantic!

We had dinner on the patio of one of my favorite restaurants in Belle Meade... enjoying the perfect evening outside... as we shared stories of what's going on in our lives and how God is so present in each situation. How awesome to give Him the glory on nights like this.

Afterwards, we went for a walk down a street lined with gorgeous homes... through a field full of leaves that crunched beneath our feet as we shared about our home towns. We arrived a few hundred feet from the front porch of the Belle Meade Mansion.
I was just struck by such a real sense of God's nearness... as they stood hand in hand and I, in the embrace of The Lover of My Soul. It was perfect. They looked deeply into one another's eyes and grinningly at me, as they re-enacted the scene of their engagement in the exact spot that they stood.
Never has a married couple made me feel more loved than they did tonight. Their love was intoxicating... and enticing to be around. I was blown away by how comfortable they were to be with... and how easy it was to celebrate the joy of this memory with them.

We ended the evening with more deep conversation and a powerful time of prayer... one of my favorite things to do. I can not explain just how perfectly the revelations that the Lord had given each of us, spoke into one another's lives. God never ceases to amaze me. We were all looking with wide-eyed wonder as He spoke through us... bringing answers and comfort to some of our deepest questions and hurts.
Wow... God!
Thank you.

And then to come home tonight and find that my new Shane and Shane Cd had finally arrived!
Smiling... just when I thought a really special night couldn't get any better!!!!!!!
I'm so excited...
You know what this means... that I'll have even more revelations to share...lol.
Alright it's off to bed with me now... pretty full day tomorrow.
Hope your day was amazing too.

Let's give Him thanks...
Daddddddy! You are such a wonderful giver of surprises!!!
Thank you for the impromptu plans with Bonnie and Benjamin tonight.
Thank you for the amazing healing that you brought to our hearts tonight as you spoke through each one of us in the most profound ways. Thank you for all of the revelations, dreams and prophetic words that helped to restore and encourage us tonight.
Thank you for the breeze... and the winds of remembrance that brought both great joy... and some sorrow. We lift it all to you tonight.
i am in absolute awe of how You make everyday that is entrusted to You, beautiful!!!!
You're so perfect and the very best friend I could ever have.
Thank you for holding my hand tonight... and holding my heart at all times.
I feel so safe with you.
And I say YES, Lord. Yes to all that you have for me.
If that includes marriage... then okay.
Thank you for the reminders, lately... of just how beautiful romance can be.
Amazingly, my shattered heart is being healed... as I see your hand in relationships all around me. Yes, Daddy... I believe you... and I trust that I am ready when You are!

i just can't thank you enough for the way you love.
i love you too.
in Jesus' Name.
amen.

Happy Happy!!!

It's Friday...
oh how I love this day... especially at work. There's such great anticipation of leaving the chains of the and finding whatever freedom and fun that may come.

Maybe we'll do the or hang out at a .

With the wonderfully long weeekend... I'm sure we'll probably get into that and much more!
Hope you have a great day!!!

Bring on the rain!

This picture so perfectly represents how I feel this morning.
We have rain... actually thunderstorms in our forecast today... and I am very excited about it. Here in Nashville, we desperately need rain... and here in my heart, I do too.



I pray that today will be a day that we don't look at a downpour and worry about our hair, or the traffic flow interruptions. But, may we rejoice and be thankful that we are graciously given what is NEEDED!

In the natural... we can be thankful that the dry, thirsty ground and the precious trees are receiving the water it has longed for...
And in our hearts, Lord, will you come and bring a flood of living water, that refreshes and restores us back to a peaceful place in You!

We need your rain, Lord.
Even when we don't know why we feel the way we do... it's so simply You that we're desperate for...




Come rain on us today. You are welcome. We love you...
In Jesus' Name. Amen!
tray

Pages...

Last night, I was absolutely blessed to experience brand new music from one of my favorite groups, Shane and Shane. A new friend and I spent the evening enjoying the 2nd night of their brand new "Pages" Tour, here in Nashville.
It was wonderful to say the least... and I was on the edge of my seat, hanging on to every word, every nuance of sound... every heavily aspirated H that Shane Barnard released... every resounding, powerhouse belt from Shane Everett. I am simply taken aback by their music... by the intensity of their passionate harmonies that seem to come from the tip of their toes and the bottom of their hearts.

You probably have those artists in your life that always seem to speak directly to you... well the Shane's are definitely on my top 5 list of "Revelators". I can always count on them to bring a fresh perspective to an old concept, or a brand new stream of thought that causes me to ponder for days, weeks and well even years...



I was pleasantly surprised to find a video of one of my favorite songs called "Holiday". Smiling.
Last night as I heard this song... it made me think of a sweet friend from my past... We would write back and forth to one another allll day long every day. One of the sweetest parts of our relationships was the constant love notes from a friend that we would exchange each day. They were so encouraging and inspiring.
I'll never forget the day that I wrote a little poem telling my sweet friend how fortunate I felt to have them in my life in this way.
My little words went something like this:

"You're like a vacation in the middle of my work day...
an oasis of joy in a desert of demands.
You're like flowers by surprise... and impromptu lunch plans...
my sweet friend... i love having you by my side... no matter where I am."

something like that....

Gosh... the memories.

Well, this song reminded me of those thoughts... and that season of friendship.
It was a type and shadow of an even greater relationship.

I'm so greatful for that friend... and those times... and I'm even more in awe of this beautiful affair that I've had with Jesus for so many years.

He truly is all of those things to me and even more.... now and forever.

Take a look at the video... and enjoy this awesome song!

I hope you find yourself feeling this way about Him too!

Bless you,
tray

Sweet, sweet Jesus. I am just so overwhelmed by Who You are. You never cease to amaze me with Your love... and the way that you allow Your children to express what we're feeling about you.

Thank you so much for my brothers, Shane and Shane... and for the way they are so willing to put their love for you on display for all the world to see. You are so worth it!

Thank you for all of the revelations that I received last night in that concert... I could share for a week about the passion for you that was stirred... but tonight.... I just want to stop and think about how you have been my "Favorite Part Of Me" for so long... What a wonderful thing to think on. You truly ARE my Holiday! I love you sooooo much, Jesus.
You are the best friend I could ever have... and I'm absolutely smitten by You!
Tonight... I just wanna celebrate You.
in Jesus Name... amen.

G'night,
Tray

As for me and my house...

I am finding out more and more, just what it means to be a good leader, each day.

Why the Lord picked me, well.... Bless HIS heart.. hahha!

I'm flattered.

I'm flustered.

And I'm learning how to relax into the role.

I've joined the Christian Women's webring... and last night as I sat randomly roaming through the pages... my heart was pricked by all of the Mommy blogs. To my dismay, once again... my subconcious roving for a Single Woman, loving her God and doing it all...my mentor I'm missing out on.... was still no where to be found. Sighs.

I'm not a mommy.

not a wife.

it's just me and my amazing God!

and sometimes i still wonder... is that okay?

most days... well, honestly... I still don't know for sure.

i know what i tell myself

i know what God says in His word.

what society says,

....the Church.

I'm finding that my roles in this single life are quite interesting. And just this year, the Lord has really begun to draw me out into deeper waters with younger people. Though I've always been a leader at School, in Church and different organizations... I never knew how challenging it would be to take on that title in my own home.

My roommate is a beautiful, bubbly, excited 21 year old. Everything in life makes her coo and thrill. She's amazing to experience life with. She's thirsty for relationship... with people and with God. Her heart is longing to be led, taught, shaped and groomed.

It is an honor beyond any I've ever known to be an example, a light... a role model.

I also have been "adopted" by a very rambunctious 12 year old, who brings me to my knees before the throne... with the deepest, most heart-wrenching questions. She demands that I seek the Lord... in order to teach her how... and lead her in the right way.

I'm amazed, God.

That you would do this now... that you would entrust me with such precious gifts... so fragile and so impressionable.

Some days, I go to bed saying... "Wow, God... we really did a pretty good job today" and other days, I wake up full of silly fears that today will be the day that I really blow it in our lives.

And so this morning... I'm climbing up in Daddy's arms... and I've decided I'm not coming down all day. That's where I choose to work from, live from... and love and lead my little household from.

I also realize now... that I have alot in common with my potentially new friends... the Mommies of the webring. They own the role of leader every day. So I'm excited to meet you all... and to live learn and grow together.

Have a beautiful day...

let's pray,

Daddy,

I really really need you today.

The enemy would like for me to start this morning, feeling inadequate and pondering my incapabilities... but Father, I know that your thoughts toward me, are ones of power, love and a sound mind. It's not about me... period. It is all about YOUR abilities and everything that YOU choose to do in and through me today and always.

So like a little child... I will lead from your lap.

Pick me up, Daddy... so that I can see the way you do.

I trust you, fully... openly... passionately.

And nothing is gonna happen in this day, that you haven't planned for.

Thank you for letting me rest.

I love you...Amen,

Tracye lynn

Monday... Fun Day!

So today was a non-typical Monday. It was actually pretty enjoyable...

It began in our very typical Monday morning staff meeting... that was quite entertaining and enjoyable. Our President relayed a great message that she heard from a well-known lady coach in the area... inspirational stuff. Of the five or so key points that she mentioned, the one that stood out the most was about taking responsibility. She didn't mean just for the bad stuff that happens... but also for the good things that happen.
Hmmm... take responsibility for the good things?
That's a fresh concept.
So I thought about that throughout the day... and am still letting it linger now.

We had a new person start working in our department today... very docile and kind. I believe she is a true blessing. She, too, is a musician... which excites me!
The team took her to a mexican fiesta of a lunch at Mazatlan's... one of my bosses' and my own personal favorites! Fun times... good conversation and a great way to keep a fairly "heavy" day a little lighter than usual.

After lunch, my new friend shadowed me for the rest of the work day. It was awesome for me because I love to teach so much. Before I knew it... the time had flown by and we were clocking out for the day! Wow!

I was pretty crabby, cranky and down right hard-to-get-along with this past weekend... so I thought I'd make tonight a fun night for my friends and myself. A not-so-quick saunter through Tar-jay scored my roomie and I some dinner and a new board game.

Did you know that Monopoly now has a version that no longer has paper money but DEBIT CARDS for monetary exchange! OMG!!!
We all had the GREATEST time tonight playing the coolest game I've seen in awhile!!!
The banker role, is now my most favorite, as you insert debit cards and make transactions between players.
All of the game pieces are different now... of course I just HAD to be the box of Altoids!!! Too fun! And I was bittersweetly excited to see that our Grand Ol' Opry made the game... woohoo. But sadly, it was on the first street out from "GO"... you know... the property that you always deem "low income housing"! The ones that you can put like hotels on and people still only have to pay you $150 dollars... lol! Oh well.
What a great game though... I completely recommend it!

So there... my President would be proud of me tonight... for taking responsibility for bringing home something fun and new that made my friends smile and forget about the stressful days that they had. For me, it was kinda like a "pay it forward" for the amazing day that God gave me.

I hope your day was surprisingly pleasant too. And if not... there's always tomorrow...
just remember to take responsibility and do your best to MAKE it a great day!

love and blessings,
tray

A New Beginning...

Here I go again... starting over.
It seems to be a theme for my life.

So this time, instead of making all of the promises I never keep... I'll just be excited about this post today. Okay...

So life is still interesting as always... and I'm still the same, over-thinking, pondering, discussing, ready to share girl I've always been. And I'm finding out more and more... that it's totally okay.

Life's sure changed ALOT since October of 2006. Goodness... that seems a million years ago.

And you know what... instead of wasting time... and emotions on trying to bring you up to speed with all the changes... I'm just going to start from today... and in time, if you continue to read this... you'll figure out what's different for yourself :0)
Sounds good to me.

I'm watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... and eating Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins right now. It's great therapy for the cranky, moody, girlyness I'm going through today.

It feels funny to be this crabby because I've been so "on top of the world" for so long. But it all seemed to hit me on Friday... all the anger, hurt and well just so many unhappy feelings that I've been working on not feeling. smiling.

I don't like being sad... it's really alot less fun than being silly or wild and crazy... you know?
But I suppose that we get ourselves into trouble when we try to have all joy and no sorrow, huh? i'm learning.

You know... somedays... I feel so grown up and ready to conquer it all. I feel able to be professional with my clients and a mentor to the young people in my life.
Somedays I just feel soooo capable!

not today.

Today, I would like to be beside my mommy... watching black and white movies and eating popcorn or whatever else we decided we wanted. Just being together... talking some, being quiet some... and falling asleep here and there.

that would be so nice.
i really miss her, especially today.

i miss a few things today... a few people.
and u know what... some of them don't miss me.
some of them feel free now.
now that i am out of their life.
it's surprising to know that i am that to someone.
someone to get away from.

ouch.

really ouch.

But the world doesn't stop turning and life is still to be lived. And I plan to live it.

I may be damaged... yes, deeply wounded right now. Still there is love. Still there is hope... and still God is amazing.

i hope you're having a happy day today.
it hasn't been for me... but hey, i suppose you can't stay on a happy streak forever.

at some point, you'll run into an old mutual friend... and it won't be there words, but their silence that hurts so bad.
sometimes in an effort to spare us pain, people will wound us with the things that are left unsaid.
yes, we need nearness. we need smiles and to laugh.

but me...

today...

i really needed words.

Again!

Well well well!
It's been a long time since I've posted, once again!

Here I am... picking up where I left off... again!

Life has been quite interesting since spring time (I think that was probably the last time I posted). Many changes have happened... some joyous, some heartbreaking. And yet, there is one thing that lasts through all of the changes. I'm still here! Smile.

I've met new friends... parted ways with some old... reacquainted with past loves and sighed at the thought of fanning a new flame.
Does it ever get easier? Make complete sense?

Tonight, I sit on my bed... too sick with a cold to join my friends for coffee and a great word... yet not sick enough to forget all of the things on my mind and turn in for the night at 6pm :0)

Restless... would be a good word for me.

My lifestyle has changed so much... some from my own doing... some by the choices of others.
And for the first time in my life, newness is not overwhelmingly welcome.

Have you ever grieved what was never really there? Awaken to realize you had been dreaming, yet not asleep?
Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick... I think I could write this story.
But not because I long to linger in the sadness of "this will never be"... but because I know that God has a turning of the page in near sight for me!!

At the end of me... I am discovering a place in God that I had only imagined there could be. In Him, I am finding that I do not have to have all the answers. I do not have to know the reasons behind the obedience. I don't have to be strong enough not to cry.
He reassures me that it's okay to hurt.
He comforts me in abandonment.
He holds me when even in the summer sun, my heart feels cold.
He tells me it's alright to share my feelings... the deep ones that others would never share with just anybody.
And again... it alright for there to be more tears.

But there's a morning!
Oh, what a sweet morning it is!!
For after the weeping... after the wailing... after the hurt so deep you feel you'll drown... JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!!!!

I'm not sure where you are right now in your life. Maybe you're on the mountain top! Maybe you're walking on the water... Maybe you're smiling with the radiance of one who is content... or maybe like me... you're rising from a long wintery season of life!
No matter where you are... it's okay. God is STILL in control.

I am looking forward to what Spring will bring... as my heart is renewed.

And as I begin again... to share Life from my view.. I ask that the Lord will be exalted through each line... each word... each personal truth.

Dear Daddy,

It's been so long since I desired to put words to what my heart has been feeling. This summer has not been the most joyous one of my life. There have been so many hard things... and yes, so many joys... yet my clouded mind found it easier to linger upon what was painful. But God, I thank you that... as always, you've brought me through.
You're amazing.
Lord, may my life's story show accurately... the face of a deeply broken woman who is prone to wander, make messes, over-think life, let you down and simply not live up to her potential.
But may the greatest and longest portion of the story be that portion that paints you to be precisely Who You Are!!!
God, You are My Savior! My Song and My Sweetheart!
You are the One Who has never turned away...
You are the One Who has never been ashamed of or bored with me.
You make everything Fine!!
Lord, You have been beside me through all of the confusing times... and have held my heart when it hurt the most! You, Oh Lord have desired me when I was the most wretched!
You... have been a Forever Friend... through all of my irritating ways. Wow! Thank you, Lord!

And so tonight... I think you for the days that have led to this one!
Though they have been difficult... I have learned more about You through them.
That makes each moment... so worth it!
Thank you for thinking I am WORTH IT!
Everything You went through for me! You're amazing!
Thank You, Sweet Jesus... for being EVERYTHING to me!

I love you,
Tracye Lynn

Fun little quizzes

Hi there... Here's some cute little quizzes I did... if you have a blog or a website... you should check it out... there tons of them and it's a great way to just waste some time and relax :0)

Have fun!!!

Oh yeah... thanks Michelle D. ... got the idea from you :0) Love ya!

People Envy Your Inner Peace

You understand your place in the world and accept life as it is. For you, "it's all good."People envy how grounded and level headed you are. But you're too at peace to even notice.

What Do People Envy About You?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's" Your Power Color?

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Caramel Frappuccino

Creative and expressive, you tend to match your Frappuccino flavor to your mood. And a flavored syrup is always a must!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

Your Eyes Should Be Blue

Your eyes reflect: Innocence and sweetness What's hidden behind your eyes: A calculating mind

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Living in His Breeze

It's really nice right now in Nashville... about 85 with a beautiful breeze blowing during the heat of the day. Where I work, there is a garden with benches and a wishing-well type fountain. Yesterday, a friend and I took a break and sat beside it.
What an oasis in the middle of a busy workday.
Thank you, Daddy!

So many days, I find myself concentrating on who I need to become and how I need to do so many things better. Yet, lately I have been praying that I will continuously refocus when those thoughts come. If I can remember to stay in the moment and realize that I have everything I truly need... life suddenly becomes much more peaceful.

It's kind of like that little picture of Eden I had yesterday. The truth was that my little friend and I went outside to blow off some steam... you know, what we call "venting". The office was getting just a little too small for all of our inflated egos to co-exist... and the audacity of the people in charge, their demands and opinions were rubbing us the wrong way... yet AGAIN!

And in the middle of our ranting... that still, small, precious voice was gently encouraging me... "look around, Tracye... do you see the beauty? Can you feel my breeze? I am here... and I am trying to get your attention"...

Oh, Goodness was speaking in the midst of my sin, once AGAIN.

As we climbed the staircase to re-enter the place we abhorred ... something had been changed on the inside of me. Though my attitude was not immediately affected.... I now realize that the rest of the day was different for me.

Somewhere during that afternoon, I quietly repented and welcomed His perspective back in.
How amazing it was to literally feel the atmosphere change and my heart soften.
The rest of the work day was really nice... but the lasting part was the living water flowing within me and the soft breeze of His love that was blowing through the corridors of my heart.

How are you today? Are you living in that Breeze too?
Or maybe you are struggling to focus on what truly matters... as I often do.
Opinions and emotions are continuously mutable... but He is eternal... and His ways will keep us peaceful, no matter where we are.

Sweet Breath of Life... I crown you now... Lord of this day!
Thank you for saving me from myself yesterday... and I know you will do the same again today....
Beautiful....I am humbled and amazed at how you continue to love me in spite of myself.
I adore you, Precious Father... and I look forward to walking through each moment of this day, aware of You... aware of Your Breeze... Your beautiful fragrance.
Bless my friend and me today, Lord.. and reveal Yourself to us in a way that will be memorable, no matter what comes our way.
Keep our hearts, minds and souls focused on nothing and no one else but You.
You are worthy... and you've made us worth it...

In the Fragrant Name of Jesus!
Amen

Losing "Wait"

Hey Everyone...

It's been along time... AGAIN!!!

I have such high hopes and good intentions about posting on here EVERY, SINGLE DAY!
Smile...

Then along comes life and grabs my attention and forces me to focus on something else... or to dwell on nothing at all.
Anyway, I digress.

I think this phrase says it best: I want to Lose the "Wait".
selah
(tracye's translation - Enough said right now... I tell you more about this later :0)

Speaking of Wait... hehee

So I think today is a great day to clue you in on another area of my life that is under construction right now. My body!!!
Yes, there are some cool things happening physically with me.... and I welcome you to share in my venture down the scale.
I've created a website that's dedicated to my weight loss.... and I'll add a link for easy access.
Take a look... have a laugh, shed a tear... or if you find it fun... leave me a message in the guestbook. I tell you what... it's gonna be a long road... so I'll surely need your encouragement :0)

Tracye'sfree

Check it out!

I plan to share much more on the website... but I have to warn you... I will be very frank about where I am. We're talking numbers and everything (and I'm not a little girl).
So if you're squeamish about weight...and the number on the scale.... you may not wanna peak... LOL.

I leave you with this tonight... its pretty late and I'm tired.
It's realllllly nice when you finally get a true revelation of just how free Christ has set you!
I mean... if someone had told me 5 years ago... that I would love myself this much... and be this open about my "personal" life and struggles... I would have walked away before they could finish their sentence...:0) But freedom is real!
Truth is freeing... and I will never be the same again!!!

I hope that you will share your journeys with me.... and let me know how I can encourage you with whatever battle you're facing!
We're all challenged by something... so there's no room for shame!
Be free, my friend... and know that you are worth more than you have ever imagined!!!

All my love,
Tracye

Daddy,

It's been a hard day today... work was not pleasant and my emotions were very shaky.
Thank you for allowing me to run to you... in the middle of it all.
It's days like these that I truly know you are real.
It's feelings like this that make me appreciate being alive... even in the pain of sadness or diappointment.
I remember when I was numb and couldn't feel a thing.
It's so nice to be all thawed out....even though it leaves me vulnerable to hurt.
You are my warmth, Lord.
Thank you for holding me today... when other's tried to make me feel like an outsider... unworthy of the "favored" place.
I'm so glad that my value is not dependent on their opinions of me.

I trust You, Lord.
I need You, Daddy.
And I'm thankful that you have the final say... always :0)

You are my hero... thank you for rescuing me... even from myself!

And Daddy... bless my friend that's reading this. They are struggling through their own issues with worth and purpose. Cause them to know your great love like never before.
Remove the veil and allow them to see that you are their hero... and you've come to rescue them too!

Love you so much,
Tracye

Happy 6 Months Tayo :0)

Hi there All...
Today... my sweet baby nephew is 6 months old!!

Here's Tayo!


Where does the time go???

It's amazing to think that it was 6 months ago today... that this beautiful little one came along to change all of our lives in such a wonderful way. He is truly a precious gift to our family..
There is not a more special moment in the day, then when I receive a new bundle of photos from my sister. How proud she must be! I surely am :0)

And to think today... that our Father in heaven loves us in the same way? So deeply.. so proudly.. you know? So much greater than we could ever grasp.

He watches over us during our day... and as we slumber at night. He waits to hold us and He longs to enjoy us. What a magnificent Father.

Sweet Jesus... Thank you for this precious life that you've given us. Tayo is a joy and treasure from heaven. You are so loving and so kind to grant us the honor of holding him close on this journey. I pray that he will remain safe and always know that he is loved deeply!

Daddy, thank you for revealing so many "hands-on" lessons about your love for us... by allowing us to feel the way we do for him. You're amazing! And I stand in awe of your creation!!!

May today.. .be a happy, gurgly, playful and silly day for him.... filled with all that bring great delight to his little heart and causes his beautiful eyes to look in wonder the way he does :)

I love you Daddy... and I love you Tayo!!

Amen
Auntie Tracye

In the Silence

It's been quiet out here on my little blog....
for almost a month....
wow.. I didn't realize it had been quit that long!

Right now, there is sooo much I can share with you..... life has been pretty interesting.

Let me see... I'll start here.
One of my all time favorite songs is called "In the Silence" by Jason Upton.
Here are the words:

Tired of telling you, you have me
When I know you really don't
Tired of telling you I'll follow
When I know I reallly won't

Cause I'd rather stand here speechless
With no great words to say
If my silence is more truthful
And my ears can hear how to walk in your way

In the silence You are speaking
In the quiet
I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all it is that you desire
to be silent, in me

Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries teach me
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you,
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways

In the Silence, You are Speaking

In the Quiet, Ican feel the Fire

And it's burning, burning deeply

Burning all it is that You desire to be silent

In me!

There was a time when I knew that this song epitomized my life with Christ. He was my passion... my obsession. He was the first one on my mind in the morning... and the last words that escaped my lips before sleep. I spent hours and hours in peace and meditation... reading His word and growing in the Spirit. I looooved to pray.. and talking about God was all I ever wanted to do.

Silence was the sweetest part of my life. It was more pleasing to me... to sit with Him... alone in my closet, until I lost track of the time... than to be with people.
Sweet intimacy with Christ was what I found in the silence.
True peace that wasn't dependent on anything or anyone but God....

I was so much more contented then.

And now.... a little more than a year later.... my life feels a million miles away from that place I knew in Him!

Most days.... peace is not the first word that I'd find to describe what is going on inside.... and that firm, "sureness" I once had about EVERYTHING seems gone.
I've struggle with this lately.

How do I get it back? How do I find that place again.... where did the life I had figured out go?

The Truth? I'm not really sure. But I'm beginning to realize that backing up or turning around doesn't seem to be a part of our journey. As I fight to find words to say to the God and Friend I used to communicate so easily with... I realize that it's not that I've lost something. It's not that I have abandoned Him or He's abandoned me. I haven't strayed from His Will or done anything to walk away from His Arms of Love.

I understand what this time has been about. It has been about COMPASSION.
Tears roll down my face as I write... because it's so good to have an understanding of what this season of distance has been about. I know now... that the Lord has not turned away from me. Honestly, I never truly believed He had... but the thoughts would come and go.
Why can't I pray? Why don't I want to worship you? Why are carnal things so much more inviting to me? What is this insatiable need for more? How did I get so full of myself? What happened to my heart? Why don't I care anymore... about anything or anyone, really?
Lord, WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!

My precious friend... God allowed me to see what I couldn't see before. He allowed me to feel what I had never felt in such magnitude.
He allowed me to get lost in gossiping and idle talk... bickering and complaining.
He allowed me to wallow in self-pity and anger.
He let me feel the void that comes from prayerlessness.
He showed me life through my own understanding... and what comes of heading worldly advice.
He allowed me to be burned by the fires of worldly passions and experience what it is to not feel much passion for Him.
He allowed me to drink from the cup of bitterness and resentment.
He let me try to cover my own shame.

Ohhh, I could go on for so long about the things I now know have happened to teach me.

This weekend, my answers have come.
Lord, why do I feel so far away from you?
So that you can feel true desperation. So that you can know the pains of the people I have called you to Love. So that you will reach to help someone out of the same pit that you once knew!
So that you'll get serious about releasing the bondages that have held you back from going forward. So that you will not be ashamed of Christ because you KNOW Him as Rescuer.
So that the story of the Gospel is played out in your own life... and now you can carry that message to all you encounter. So that you can see that all of those things you experienced outside of Him are WORTHLESS!

It was all a part of the plan... and it is so nice to know that I have not failed God... but have come through another season... and learned sooo much more about Him than I could have ever read about! He teaches using many methods.... and this time it was "Hands-on" Experience.

And you know what.... I am ready!!!! It is time to keep on walking now... in this New Season of telling the story... and reaching out to others.
Everyday.... whether at work, at home, in my community, on the road traveling..... it's about having Compassion and allowing the Gospel to live through me!!!

I haven't lost the silence. It's been there all the while.
Although I will always love long hours of meditational prayer.... I now realize that His Still, Small Voice can be heard over any amount of noise and chaos.
I haven't left my "prayer closet" and my "new testament coffee breaks".... I'm taking them with me everywhere I go!

Amazing Jesus.... I finally understand! I finally get it, that it's all about You!
Who knew, all this time... that you were preparing me... molding me... equipping me for the work that You have called me to. So many times... during those times alone with You... I cried out to know True Compassion. Lord, my heart had grown so cold... from fear, rejection and resentment.... that I had lost my ability to connect and to empathize with those in need Thank you... thank you for teaching me in the way that You knew I would get it! Thank you for not just telling me about the pain, the deep hurt, the rejection, the addictions, the misunderstanding, the anger, the insanity, instability and insufficiency. You allowed me to experience it for myself... and come to know you within it all.
I say YES LORD!
I will Go Lord!
I will not be ashamed to tell the story.... even while I'm IN IT!

It's not about ME!!!!
Yet You're all about me.....you really dig me, Jesus.
You're jealous for my heart... my attention and my intentions.
So tonight... I surrender to you!
I say... I DO!

Even if that makes me strange... uncool... or "to-far-gone".... I say I DO....and I WILL!!!
I'll be a fool for YOU!!!

Hand in hand... we'll do this. And I'm excited to cheer You on as you work through me.
Take these lungs... this voice... these hands... these eyes.... these ears... this BODY.... and use it all for YOUR GLORY!!!!

Thank you for the silence. You are there.

I looove you Lord. In Your GLORIOUS Name!
amen.

Thank you for sharing in these moments of victory with me. It's been a loooong time coming.
May He bless your journey today.... and reveal His plan to you in new and amazing ways!

Be blessed... Be Loved,

Tracye

You are a Masterpiece!

Hi there....

Short blog this morning... but I wanted to say I appreciate you sharing this journey with me...
I pray that what I share is encouraging and reassuring to your heart and mind.
You are wonderful in ways you have not yet comprehended... and today, I expect the Lord to reveal to you at least one more reason why he called your creation good!
May He reveal what some of those innumerable thoughts are... and let you in on the rhythm of His heartbeat for you.
Today is another one of His masterpieces!
Enjoy it.
Cherish it....
and don't be afraid to expect what's best!

My mind and heart are full of gratitude today.... and it is an honor to pray for your day.
You are soo special and in God's ability you can complete well... each task that faces you this day!

Precious Father....
We adore you!
We are in awe of All that YOU are!
Your grandeur is so hard for us to grasp most times.... You are so great.
And Lord, what sometimes seems just as hard... is understanding and believing that when you created us... YOU said "It is GOOD"!
Wow, Lord. Who can KNOW that... I mean really know it?
Please reveal to us how you truly feel about us today Daddy.
Open our mind and heart to truly accept your opinion as the best one.
Let us not be so wrapped up in the things of this world, that we fail to see heaven all around us... and even more WITHIN us.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made today.
We are greatful for each asset you chose for us..... beautiful eyes, graceful hands, strong shoulders, dainty noses, various and beautiful shades..... on the outside you gave us all something spectacuar......
and on the inside.... a system that no human mind has fully grasped.... a heart that beats the blood that sustains us... muscles that allow us to run, jump and praise you.
And a little deeper... you gave us a mind, will and emotions - our soul.
What a vast ocean of capabilities. You truly are great.
And the greatest and most eternal place.... our spirit.... and YOUR spirit.... living inside of us.
How YOU get covered up by all of the other things.
Today, I pray that YOUR SPIRIT within us... will shine brightly.... and speak to us... revealing the greater things!
What an honor to house the Treasure of heaven within us!

YOU are amazing!
We are Your Good!

We love you with all You've given us...
In Jesus' Name... amen.

And so today... may you work, love and play... remembering that you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. " Psalm 139:14

Much love to you,

Tracye

Happy Birthday Mommy!

Today is a wonderful day..... I awoke with joy after a very beautiful weekend... full of fun times.
I'll tell you all about that later on this evening.... but this morning.... I want to celebrate the most amazing woman I know. My Mom!!!

It's her birthday... and I am sooo thankful that this is the day that she was given to this world.... and that as her story was written....she was chosen for me... and I for her. Wow! What a wonderful God... to always provide for us... in just the way we need.

My mother is perfect... for me :0)
God in His divine wisdom knew had it all planned out... He knew every tear.... every moment of screaming laughter....
He knew each tragedy and every single breathless wonder that would take place in our lives.
During each of those times in my life.... My amazing mother was right by my side!

When no one else understands.... she is there.
When I want to dance.... she plays a song.
When I need a to cry.... she too cries.

There is nothing more precious than the times that she and I get lost in praising His name.
It's so sweet... the way she'll be talking about something that the Lord has done... how He loved on one of us.... or unexpectedly showed up in a situation.... and her strong voice will break with the flood of tears. When the melody of her lyrics are replaced with a quiet lifting of her hands and a stream flows down her cheek....
It is then that I understand why Daddy bottles each one of our tears.

She is beautiful.
She is Loves lavishly.
She is strong and sweet.

I am so thankful to know her.... to watch her grow even as I grow up.
To cherish the memories of childhood.... and now enjoy calling her my Friend.

I wish I could be there with her today.... to wrap my arms around her... and kiss her on the cheek 20-too-many times as I love to do... (laughing).
But it's okay.... because I know that there is Someone Who loves and adores her even more than I do.... and HE will celebrate her fabulously today! Unexpected blessings will overtake her today... and peace will drape over her ... as the finest garment.

Thank you Mommy... for simply being you! I love you so much!

Sweet Father,

I love you.
Even as the tears fill my eyes this morning... I am sooo thankful.
You truly make all things beautiful... and my life is no exception.
Today... I celebrate on my most precious gifts in this life... My mother!
Lord... she is so special... and I am so greatful that you chose her for me.
You could not have picked a more perfect woman.... she is fabulous in every way.
Thank you.
I stand in awe of your ways, Lord.
As this day progresses, Father... I pray that she will feel just as special as she is.
May you allow her to be celebrated well!
Wrap Your great Love around her.... and respond to her every prayer.
Bless her with Your finest blessings.... and most of all give her even more of You!
In the Name of Jesus....with a heart overjoyed...
amen.

Have a beautiful day,
Tracye

Snowed In

It's snowing in Nashville today.... too bad I couldn't get a picture of the beautiful view in time for this post.

I'm happy to enjoy the scenery and the relaxation.
I'm a little sad that the roads are not safe for my drive to Atlanta to see my family.

So I thought I put a few pics up of my family..... since I was reminiscing anyway.

Here's one of my cutie-pie nephew. He's great friends with Elmo :0)




My Mom and Dad will be at my sisters house this weekend.... and I was suppose to join them... but we all thought it best not to make the drive :(

Here's the girls of our family... My mommy, sister Trina and me. This was taken during my nephew's naming ceremony. He was sooo little! My Mom made the little prince outfit he had on... wasn't he adorable!














So here's me and my little buddy back at Thanksgiving.... he was only a few weeks old then.

And here's Cutie-bug again... with my brother Hines. I've always said he's the prettiest kid my parents had :0)




Putting all of these pics on here today... I realize that two people are missing from my collections.... My brother Shedrick (his precious family) and my Dad!!!
Well that will have to change!!!!

I love my family so much....
It is such a blessing to have them close enough to get together often.

My prayer today, is that you know how much you are loved.
Even though I'm a bit saddened by not being with them.... I am full of the Love that we have given one another in times past. I am reminded today, to cherish those moments always.

Maybe this little message could be encouragement or confirmation to you today.... to pick up the phone or write out a card for the ones you call family. Hold them close for as long as you have them. For tomorrow is not promised, right?

Dear Daddy,

Thank you so much for my family..... for the great joys and the deep sorrows that have filled our years together. Lord, I see you often, in the optimism of my father, the diligence and leadership of my sister, the passion and humor of my brother Hines, the analytical wisdom of my brother Shedrick, and the beautiful heart of my mother. What a contrast of characters you chose to blend into this family. Your ways are far higher than ours.... and I'm trusting that as they have blessed and enriched my life, I am doing the same for them.
Thank you for our health... our wealth... our love and most of all for our Faith.... for that is what led us to YOU.
May You know Lord, today... just how much Your family Loves you!!!
We bless and honor you and give you all the glory.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Have a relaxing and worry free weekend.... and for those of you here in Nashville, enjoy the snow!!!

Lovingly,
Tracye

You're Not Alone

I'm running a little late today...
Don't you love those mornings (great sarcasm :0)

Actually... it's not that I'm running late... it's just that the "messies" caught up with me this morning and I had to spend some of my quiet time calming the storm in my bedroom... laughing.
You have to laugh while you're working on your idiosyncrisies..... or you'll end up in tears.
Well at least that's my story.

Speaking of the storm in my bedroom.... there are a few storms in my life right now....
the heaviest on my heart is the one at work. To make a loooong story really short.... we are a group of 3 women (I could stop right there), 2 guys and a boss.... who are building a dept that upon our arrival was an overwhelmed effort of 2 people... doing the job of 6.
As you can imagine.... having to put processes in place and define things can become a blame game, a chance to "shine", and ..... well you can fill in the blanks I'm sure.

Right now... work is a challenge. And you know... I'm so happy this morning to say that I am excited.
Now before you close the page on me.... let me just tell you why.

It's not that I haven't shed tears.... been angry and ready for revenge...
It's not that I haven't been ready to defend myself or get someone straight.

The reason I am excited is because when people around me try to make me feel "alone"... it is in those times that the Lord shows me just how close He is! He is right by my side at work... and anywhere else I go.

He is a ready defender.
HE said "Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm".
HE said to "Take no thought about provision" (Tracye's translation).

Yesterday was a tough day.... and after ranting it out and getting myself upset all over again... I walked into my room and happened to go to Jason Upton's website. As I continued to surf the web... I realized that the song playing on his website was repeating.... one time, two times and a third time. Though I thought it was soothing... I was still so angry that I hadn't been listening to the words:

Your not Alone
Your not Alone...
I never leave you
I never leave you!!!

over and over again it played..... and I began to realize that He was speaking to me.

I hadn't realized that beyond all of the other issues... the deepest one I was facing was the lie of the enemy that I was alone.... especially concerning my job.
He reminded me that I am not alone at work.
Who can make war with our God?
Who can come against the Creator of the Universe?
Who can stand in His Presence?

Once again.... I've been changd. I'm going to work today... KNOWING that NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER!!!! My Great God is on MY SIDE!!!!!

I'm excited to see the wicked plans fail.
I'm intensely aware that He is with ME today.. and everyday.
I am free of anxiety and worry... because He'll give me the wisdom, the patience and the supernaturally ability to do an awesome job at any task that comes my way!!

I am not alone!

And neither are you!
Remember today.... whatever the tough situations.. and in whatever way that the enemy is trying to tell you that you're out there by yourself.... Remember!

YOU'RE NOT ALONE
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
HE'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU
HE'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU!!!!

With Greatful Love,
Tracye

Suprised by LOVE

Yesterday was such a wonderful day. For the first time in such a looooong time, Valentine's Day was a JOYFUL day in my life. Not because I had some amazing romantic encounter, 3 dozen roses or an engagement ring from the man of my destiny.... but simply because the Lord caused a heart change in me during the wee hours of the morning. In that time.. as I poured out my heart, he was pouring back in. Refreshing my wells, if you will.

I'll share with you one of my "fears" about Valentine's Day.... that every woman around me... at work, home and anywhere else will be "celebrated" while I rejoice with and for them yet another year. I know... it's not nice.... but it's unapologetically real.
That's one of those hurts that I wanted to really release to Him.
As I talked and listened... I realized something.
What is going on in me.... what has happened to my mind and heart.
I began to notice that there were no tears this year.... my heart didn't hurt... and my mind was not confused!!! I was actually EXCITED about walking out this Valentine's Day!!!

Well I don't know about you.... but this was BIG for me :0)

So I went to work... loved on everyone and received their love.... and it was just a sweet sweet day. It's been very busy so the time passed quickly.
Around 2 in the afternoon... IT happened :0)

"Someone has a delivery... someone has a delivery"!! And I'm thinking... awww that is soo sweet.
Well coming straight for me is a great, big, purple stuffed bunny(now affectionately named "Lavender" and a precious heart vase with yellow and red roses!!!!!

To my absolute shock and DELIGHT they were for ME!!!!

How totally amazing!
How totally like LOVE:0)

Needless to say, I was so completely blown away. I had no idea.

I share this story not to brag at all.... or to make you sad .... but to encourage you.

Those roses and that sweet little bunny were from my Father in heaven.... sent by my earthly angel.... my Best Friend in this life... Reco!

Reco.... let me just boast a little about the Jesus in Him.
He is THE MOST HUMBLE and loving person I have ever encountered. He has been through hell and back.... and all with a radiant and triumphant smile on face. He is completely and solely in Love with His Creator... and is daily surrendering his all for the Glory of God.
I am encouraged by him.
I am taught by him.
I am changed by the Love of the Lord through him.
I am so very greatful for all that he is!
HE is like Valentine's every single day of my life... I kid you not.

I pray that you too, have someone in your life who exemplifies Jesus.... someone who is outside of themselves and longing to always be only in Christ.
That's Reco for me.

I pray that one day, I will be that for someone too.

Nancy Keeth has affectionately termed this type of person your "Tony the Beat Poet".
We're reading the book "Blue like Jazz"... and there is a character in the book by this name.
In short... it is the type of person who keeps you real.... keeps you honest.... and I'll take the liberty of saying that they keep you close to themselves but even closer to Christ!

Thank you, Reco.
Thank you, Nancy.

Dear Daddy...Dear LOVE,

I want to publicly thank you for walking through the day with me yesterday. We had such a great time in the wee hours of the morning. Thanks for loving on me the way you do.
No one in this world can be as sweet as you are.
No one in this world can be as lovely and keep me in love with them as much as I am with You!
You are amazing!
I was soooo suprised yesterday when you showed up with the Bunny and the Flowers!
Thank you.... for dispelling a 30 year old lie... that I was undeserving of that type of affection.
Thank you... for breaking that bondage in my head and heart.

One gift, Lord. Just one.... how it can change a person's life.
YOU are that gift for me.
And even still you choose to give me more.
Thank you for Reco.... bless him 100 fold for his obedience to you.

Thank you so much for all the ways that you prove your love .
amen

I love you all.... and pray that you are encouraged!
Have a fabulous day.... u2 may be suprised by LOVE (I hope so),

Tracye