A New Beginning...

Here I go again... starting over.
It seems to be a theme for my life.

So this time, instead of making all of the promises I never keep... I'll just be excited about this post today. Okay...

So life is still interesting as always... and I'm still the same, over-thinking, pondering, discussing, ready to share girl I've always been. And I'm finding out more and more... that it's totally okay.

Life's sure changed ALOT since October of 2006. Goodness... that seems a million years ago.

And you know what... instead of wasting time... and emotions on trying to bring you up to speed with all the changes... I'm just going to start from today... and in time, if you continue to read this... you'll figure out what's different for yourself :0)
Sounds good to me.

I'm watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... and eating Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins right now. It's great therapy for the cranky, moody, girlyness I'm going through today.

It feels funny to be this crabby because I've been so "on top of the world" for so long. But it all seemed to hit me on Friday... all the anger, hurt and well just so many unhappy feelings that I've been working on not feeling. smiling.

I don't like being sad... it's really alot less fun than being silly or wild and crazy... you know?
But I suppose that we get ourselves into trouble when we try to have all joy and no sorrow, huh? i'm learning.

You know... somedays... I feel so grown up and ready to conquer it all. I feel able to be professional with my clients and a mentor to the young people in my life.
Somedays I just feel soooo capable!

not today.

Today, I would like to be beside my mommy... watching black and white movies and eating popcorn or whatever else we decided we wanted. Just being together... talking some, being quiet some... and falling asleep here and there.

that would be so nice.
i really miss her, especially today.

i miss a few things today... a few people.
and u know what... some of them don't miss me.
some of them feel free now.
now that i am out of their life.
it's surprising to know that i am that to someone.
someone to get away from.

ouch.

really ouch.

But the world doesn't stop turning and life is still to be lived. And I plan to live it.

I may be damaged... yes, deeply wounded right now. Still there is love. Still there is hope... and still God is amazing.

i hope you're having a happy day today.
it hasn't been for me... but hey, i suppose you can't stay on a happy streak forever.

at some point, you'll run into an old mutual friend... and it won't be there words, but their silence that hurts so bad.
sometimes in an effort to spare us pain, people will wound us with the things that are left unsaid.
yes, we need nearness. we need smiles and to laugh.

but me...

today...

i really needed words.